your thong is hanging out like whoa
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
