Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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