What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
