And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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