Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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