He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
