Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
