so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
