I think my fart just growled at me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
