the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I have post one night stand depression
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
