my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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