So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
