New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
