Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
