You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
