Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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