I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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