i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
