Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
