he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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