The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
