She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize