The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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