I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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