You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
