She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we're making bets on your personal life
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
