Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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