He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Alive.
So much puke
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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