the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize