The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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