my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
