Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize