I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
