I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
ttyl tear gas
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
