She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
