Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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