Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
