how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
