She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize