Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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