yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
