you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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