guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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