mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
