You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
