Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
this will be a night to untag.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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