So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You smell like stripper and shame
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
