i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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