i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
