is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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