Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
