no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
