im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
