Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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