He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize