She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
