Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
