LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
