Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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