My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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