ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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