last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
