He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize