I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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