Sry I called you an 8
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
