The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
