just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
