I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
